Women used to just wait for men to take the first step in the dating arena. Women are taught to wait for men to ask and seek them. Although those old fashioned rules are effective to some women, in today's modern dating scenarios those rules are too limiting and prevent women from learning how to meet and attract men that could be their lifetime partner.
In today's generation women and men are more open and direct about dating that are not accepted years ago. The dating world has changed a lot and learning how to meet and attract men will give you a greater chance of meeting Mr. Right. If you keep doing the outdated style and rules, you will be left behind and you will let the opportunity of meeting the right man just passed you by.
There are women who are very successful in their career and other areas of their life and yet unsuccessful in the field of dating. Even with their success, these women are unable to meet the men they desire and want to spend their whole life with. One contributing factor to their failure is that they do not know how to meet and attract men.
Are you trapped in the old fashioned way of dating that you feel too shy to meet and start conversation with a man? In this case you need to look at dating in a new perspective. You need to cope up with the new dating world and learn how to meet and attract men, unless you want to be single for the rest of your life.
Women are naturally gorgeous and with the right techniques you can make every man want you more. You can learn how to have success in the dating scene. Do you want to know the secrets in attracting men that will transform your life in an instant? Learn how to act around men, learn how to meet and attract men visit The Woman Men Adore
Discover the Undeniable Signs that He Likes You
Are you curious if you are the apple of his eyes and if he's interested? Women are mystified and guessing what is going on with a man's mind. Knowing what on his mind does not have to be a mystery. You do not have to remain clueless, men exhibits body language and undeniable signs that he likes you. Here are some signs:
His eyes will tell you signs that he likes you. Have you caught him staring at you or establishing an eye contact? Men stare at women they find attractive or charming. If he is establishing an eye contact, he is establishing a connection or attention towards you.
His smile is one of the signs that he likes you. Men in general do not smile a lot. If he smiles at you a lot, he is sending a signal. Smile is a very powerful gesture that signals happiness, friendliness and an invitation that he wants to talk to you.
His ears and attention are signs that he likes you. Most men hate boring conversation and cannot stay in a conversation if the person does not interest them. If he is all ears and remembers your hobbies and every little thing you've said, these are signs that he likes you and interested with you. If you are in a group, you will notice that he is always beside you and talks to you more than the other people in the group. You are the focus of his attention, teasing you and making you laugh.
His time. One of the signs that he likes you is the way he spends time with you. It is noticeable that he wants to spend more time alone with you. Once he has the opportunity to be with you, he will try his best to prolong it or call off other plans just to be with you. He also calls you for no apparent reason or mention upcoming plans sending hints that he wants to be with you.
While there are signs that he likes you, it is also important how to respond to these signs and create a successful relationship with the kind of man you've always wanted. Do you want to discover the secret to attracting men? Visit The Woman Men Adore
His eyes will tell you signs that he likes you. Have you caught him staring at you or establishing an eye contact? Men stare at women they find attractive or charming. If he is establishing an eye contact, he is establishing a connection or attention towards you.
His smile is one of the signs that he likes you. Men in general do not smile a lot. If he smiles at you a lot, he is sending a signal. Smile is a very powerful gesture that signals happiness, friendliness and an invitation that he wants to talk to you.
His ears and attention are signs that he likes you. Most men hate boring conversation and cannot stay in a conversation if the person does not interest them. If he is all ears and remembers your hobbies and every little thing you've said, these are signs that he likes you and interested with you. If you are in a group, you will notice that he is always beside you and talks to you more than the other people in the group. You are the focus of his attention, teasing you and making you laugh.
His time. One of the signs that he likes you is the way he spends time with you. It is noticeable that he wants to spend more time alone with you. Once he has the opportunity to be with you, he will try his best to prolong it or call off other plans just to be with you. He also calls you for no apparent reason or mention upcoming plans sending hints that he wants to be with you.
While there are signs that he likes you, it is also important how to respond to these signs and create a successful relationship with the kind of man you've always wanted. Do you want to discover the secret to attracting men? Visit The Woman Men Adore
How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams
Women are made to believe that men should make the first move and ask them out but even if you believe in that, there are still things that you can do to attract the man of your dreams. Contrary to what others believe, men are not just attracted to a beautiful face and sexy body. Learning how to attract men is not that difficult if you know how. Here are some useful tips:
Be yourself. Be comfortable with yourself and let him know that you are a unique individual through your personality and looks. Do not pretend to be someone you are not. You do not have to pretend, you can attract the man of your dreams if you are honest and comfortable with yourself.
Cook for him. As the saying goes, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Learn to cook and you are ahead of other women and you have the advantage to attract the man of your dreams. Men are attracted to women who know how to cook and care for the people around her. Of course you also have to love what you are doing, learning how to cook and enjoying what you are doing will make you more attractive.
Be smart and improve your education. To attract the man of your dreams, you have to be smart and educated. Men are attracted to smart women, who are not boring and who speak their minds but still respect other people's opinion. You can be smart and yet not conceited. Besides, being educated is an asset not only in attracting men, but also in other areas of your life, like jobs and dealing with other people.
Enhance your asset. Another saying is "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". There is no single definition of beauty; everyone has their own preference of beauty. Any woman can be beautiful in her own right. Know your asset and what makes you more attractive and beautiful. Maybe you have beautiful hair or skin and there's nothing wrong to flaunt it once in a while. Wear sleeveless on appropriate occasions if you have beautiful shoulder and arms. Wear make up to enhance your beauty but do not over do it. You have the asset and natural beauty to attract the man of your dreams.
Wear a smile. There's nothing more powerful than being approachable and friendly. You will draw people to you if you wear a smile. You can attract the man of your dreams with your angelic smile, knowing that you are approachable and friendly.
Do you want to discover the powerful, step-by-step secrets of how to meet, attract, and create a lasting and fulfilling relationship with the kind of person you've always wanted, even if you're shy or don't think you are good looking? Find out how to attract the man of your dreams visit The Woman Men Adore
Be yourself. Be comfortable with yourself and let him know that you are a unique individual through your personality and looks. Do not pretend to be someone you are not. You do not have to pretend, you can attract the man of your dreams if you are honest and comfortable with yourself.
Cook for him. As the saying goes, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Learn to cook and you are ahead of other women and you have the advantage to attract the man of your dreams. Men are attracted to women who know how to cook and care for the people around her. Of course you also have to love what you are doing, learning how to cook and enjoying what you are doing will make you more attractive.
Be smart and improve your education. To attract the man of your dreams, you have to be smart and educated. Men are attracted to smart women, who are not boring and who speak their minds but still respect other people's opinion. You can be smart and yet not conceited. Besides, being educated is an asset not only in attracting men, but also in other areas of your life, like jobs and dealing with other people.
Enhance your asset. Another saying is "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". There is no single definition of beauty; everyone has their own preference of beauty. Any woman can be beautiful in her own right. Know your asset and what makes you more attractive and beautiful. Maybe you have beautiful hair or skin and there's nothing wrong to flaunt it once in a while. Wear sleeveless on appropriate occasions if you have beautiful shoulder and arms. Wear make up to enhance your beauty but do not over do it. You have the asset and natural beauty to attract the man of your dreams.
Wear a smile. There's nothing more powerful than being approachable and friendly. You will draw people to you if you wear a smile. You can attract the man of your dreams with your angelic smile, knowing that you are approachable and friendly.
Do you want to discover the powerful, step-by-step secrets of how to meet, attract, and create a lasting and fulfilling relationship with the kind of person you've always wanted, even if you're shy or don't think you are good looking? Find out how to attract the man of your dreams visit The Woman Men Adore
Discover How to Become Irresistible to Men
Men are the object of desire of most women. It does not matter if you are a silent type woman or someone who is outspoken and showy with your feelings, most women of course are dreaming to become irresistible to men.
Women deserve to be loved and cared for. Longing for someone special and wanting to become irresistible to men is quite natural for every woman. But unfortunately, most women experienced rejection when it comes to attracting the man of their dreams.
But did you know that you do not have to remain insecure and frustrated because you can learn how to become irresistible to men? Attracting the right man in your life can be learned leading to a long term relationship.
Ever wonder why some women attract men like magnet even if they are not really pretty? It is because they have learned the techniques on how to become irresistible to men. They know the kind of men they want and they know how to attract the right kind of men in their lives.
You do not have to become stuck in your situation and date someone you do not like just because you think you do not deserve the kind of relationship you always wanted and it is impossible to attract the man of your dreams.
The truth is, you can learn how to become irresistible to men. You can attract the right kind of man in your life to experience the love you are longing for and keep him irresistibly attracted to you forever.You can learn more about how to attract the man of your dreams and get the relationship you always wanted by visiting The Woman Men Adore
Women deserve to be loved and cared for. Longing for someone special and wanting to become irresistible to men is quite natural for every woman. But unfortunately, most women experienced rejection when it comes to attracting the man of their dreams.
But did you know that you do not have to remain insecure and frustrated because you can learn how to become irresistible to men? Attracting the right man in your life can be learned leading to a long term relationship.
Ever wonder why some women attract men like magnet even if they are not really pretty? It is because they have learned the techniques on how to become irresistible to men. They know the kind of men they want and they know how to attract the right kind of men in their lives.
You do not have to become stuck in your situation and date someone you do not like just because you think you do not deserve the kind of relationship you always wanted and it is impossible to attract the man of your dreams.
The truth is, you can learn how to become irresistible to men. You can attract the right kind of man in your life to experience the love you are longing for and keep him irresistibly attracted to you forever.You can learn more about how to attract the man of your dreams and get the relationship you always wanted by visiting The Woman Men Adore
Secrets to Attract the Right Man
Every woman wanted to experience true love and a wonderful relationship with the right man. Finding the right man is not easy but there are secrets to attract men. While most men have their eyes on sexy and flawless women, good men don't just go for good looks. Attracting men can be learned and you too can learn the secrets to attract the right man.
A good relationship and success in marriage starts in finding Mr. Right and knowing how to attract the right man. Here are some tips to help you attract the right man.
Put attention to your looks and femininity. This doesn't mean that you have to look like a movie star but you simply have to know how to groom properly. Learn how to improve your appearance, enhance your best assets, wear the proper clothes and wear the perfect make up. You don't have to wear heavy make up because it could make you appear less natural and it is misleading. Although most good men don't want to be with someone just because of good looks, good grooming and being at your best is still important.
Be affectionate to attract the right man. Being lovable and affectionate is a turn on to good men. Most men find affectionate women more appealing than beautiful women. It is one quality of women that draws men to them. You will attract the right man if you are affectionate and caring with your family, friends and the people around you. A good man who wants a family and a lasting relationship or marriage is seeking a woman who is capable of giving love, affection and care.
Sense of humor and joyfulness can attract the right man in your life. Although men can make women laugh and fall in love with them, they are also drawn to women who can make them laugh. A joyful and happy woman is a man magnet. Who wants to be with a depressed woman who grunts and frown all day? A woman with a sense of humor and who is joyful to be with will definitely attract the right man.
Good image and attitude. A woman with good image and attitude will attract the right man. Wild and crazy woman is not that type of woman that good men would like to spend their whole life with. Of course men would go crazy for crazy wild women, but it is rare that they get serious with these women. Good men want responsible and sane women who can be their confidant and lifetime partner.
There are a lot of ways to attract the right man in your life. Do you want to find out more about the powerful proven secrets on how to meet and attract the kind of man you've always wanted? Stop wasting time with men who are incompatible or beneath you. Learn to attract the right man visit The Woman men Adore
A good relationship and success in marriage starts in finding Mr. Right and knowing how to attract the right man. Here are some tips to help you attract the right man.
Put attention to your looks and femininity. This doesn't mean that you have to look like a movie star but you simply have to know how to groom properly. Learn how to improve your appearance, enhance your best assets, wear the proper clothes and wear the perfect make up. You don't have to wear heavy make up because it could make you appear less natural and it is misleading. Although most good men don't want to be with someone just because of good looks, good grooming and being at your best is still important.
Be affectionate to attract the right man. Being lovable and affectionate is a turn on to good men. Most men find affectionate women more appealing than beautiful women. It is one quality of women that draws men to them. You will attract the right man if you are affectionate and caring with your family, friends and the people around you. A good man who wants a family and a lasting relationship or marriage is seeking a woman who is capable of giving love, affection and care.
Sense of humor and joyfulness can attract the right man in your life. Although men can make women laugh and fall in love with them, they are also drawn to women who can make them laugh. A joyful and happy woman is a man magnet. Who wants to be with a depressed woman who grunts and frown all day? A woman with a sense of humor and who is joyful to be with will definitely attract the right man.
Good image and attitude. A woman with good image and attitude will attract the right man. Wild and crazy woman is not that type of woman that good men would like to spend their whole life with. Of course men would go crazy for crazy wild women, but it is rare that they get serious with these women. Good men want responsible and sane women who can be their confidant and lifetime partner.
There are a lot of ways to attract the right man in your life. Do you want to find out more about the powerful proven secrets on how to meet and attract the kind of man you've always wanted? Stop wasting time with men who are incompatible or beneath you. Learn to attract the right man visit The Woman men Adore
Meeting Your Soul Mate- How to Know if Someone is Your Soul Mate
Every person in this world can feel so lonesome despite the many people and things that concern one. It seems there is something lacking inside that has to be searched for out there, like the one person we can be comfortable with, like a soul mate. Thus, it will be best for you to find the ways on meeting your soul mate.
Meeting your soul mate is also called by others as meeting your twin spirits. This event is equated to the feeling of deep connection with another that can be inexplicable. The concept of soul mates is associated to the spiritual experience. This serves as a metaphor to represent that wonderful event that is beyond words to define.
It is believed that soul mates came about because the two people, no matter how far they are in this world, find their way in the same path. They may be exact opposites, but their connection makes them easily complement one another. They may also be so alike that they will share the same views.
Knowing and meeting your soul mate is a very refreshing event. However, some people might find it difficult to think that they will find their soul mate. There are many strangers in this world. How can one bump to the destined person? How can one know that someone is the right soul mate?
How to Know If Someone Is Your Soul Mate?
If you are worried that meeting your soul mate might not happen in this lifetime, then it is high time to start exploring your options. There are many people in this world. It might be difficult to simply guess. Consider the various ways on knowing and meeting your soul mate.
The points provided here are helpful tips to know if someone is your destined twin spirit. However, these have to be carefully evaluated with the situation. There is no one formula in meeting your soul mate. Sometimes it takes time. Sometimes it takes some luck. It is not bad to hope that you get to meet that perfect person soon enough.
1. Sharing the Same Sentiments and Priorities
Try talking to the people you meet. A soul mate will definitely be able to relate to your views and sentiments. Some people say that your soul mate is your complete opposite. Others insist that you will think and feel alike. No matter which view it may be, in meeting your soul mate, you should feel something in common, like sharing a special thought or view.
2. Determine the Comfort Level
Whenever you meet someone new, it takes some time before you get to feel at ease. However, in meeting your soul mate, he or she is definitely someone you can easily feel comfortable with. You will be surprised that you can easily open up and converse even if you just met. This is a gut feeling that you have to be aware of in meeting your soul mate.
3. Have Faith
Most people may have difficulty finding their soul mate. Meeting your soul mate is not something that you can easily advertise. Thus, it is important to have faith in your self and in the future. Things will happen. Sometimes, we only have to wait for the proper time. Just stay in your belief until you know that someone you meet is your soul mate.
It is a big deal to find your destiny. It is even a more important deal to find the ways on knowing and meeting your soul mate.
Do you want to have the confidence and knowledge to attract the man or woman of your dreams and keep them forever craving more? Discover the powerful, step-by-step secrets of how to meet, attract, and create a lasting and fulfilling relationship with the kind of person you've always wanted. Even if you're shy or don't think you are good looking. Find out more about meeting your soul mate visit The Woman Men Adore
Meeting your soul mate is also called by others as meeting your twin spirits. This event is equated to the feeling of deep connection with another that can be inexplicable. The concept of soul mates is associated to the spiritual experience. This serves as a metaphor to represent that wonderful event that is beyond words to define.
It is believed that soul mates came about because the two people, no matter how far they are in this world, find their way in the same path. They may be exact opposites, but their connection makes them easily complement one another. They may also be so alike that they will share the same views.
Knowing and meeting your soul mate is a very refreshing event. However, some people might find it difficult to think that they will find their soul mate. There are many strangers in this world. How can one bump to the destined person? How can one know that someone is the right soul mate?
How to Know If Someone Is Your Soul Mate?
If you are worried that meeting your soul mate might not happen in this lifetime, then it is high time to start exploring your options. There are many people in this world. It might be difficult to simply guess. Consider the various ways on knowing and meeting your soul mate.
The points provided here are helpful tips to know if someone is your destined twin spirit. However, these have to be carefully evaluated with the situation. There is no one formula in meeting your soul mate. Sometimes it takes time. Sometimes it takes some luck. It is not bad to hope that you get to meet that perfect person soon enough.
1. Sharing the Same Sentiments and Priorities
Try talking to the people you meet. A soul mate will definitely be able to relate to your views and sentiments. Some people say that your soul mate is your complete opposite. Others insist that you will think and feel alike. No matter which view it may be, in meeting your soul mate, you should feel something in common, like sharing a special thought or view.
2. Determine the Comfort Level
Whenever you meet someone new, it takes some time before you get to feel at ease. However, in meeting your soul mate, he or she is definitely someone you can easily feel comfortable with. You will be surprised that you can easily open up and converse even if you just met. This is a gut feeling that you have to be aware of in meeting your soul mate.
3. Have Faith
Most people may have difficulty finding their soul mate. Meeting your soul mate is not something that you can easily advertise. Thus, it is important to have faith in your self and in the future. Things will happen. Sometimes, we only have to wait for the proper time. Just stay in your belief until you know that someone you meet is your soul mate.
It is a big deal to find your destiny. It is even a more important deal to find the ways on knowing and meeting your soul mate.
Do you want to have the confidence and knowledge to attract the man or woman of your dreams and keep them forever craving more? Discover the powerful, step-by-step secrets of how to meet, attract, and create a lasting and fulfilling relationship with the kind of person you've always wanted. Even if you're shy or don't think you are good looking. Find out more about meeting your soul mate visit The Woman Men Adore
Tired of Unrequited Love? Tips How to Magnetize Someone to Love You
Actually, you can't make someone love you because truth to tell, people can't help whom they love. However, you can attract or magnetize someone enough to get them interested and then maybe, just maybe, if everything falls into place, fall in love with you.
Again, there is nothing you can do to make someone love you but there are ways you can use to let them see what a wonderful person you are. It's always a shot but it might not always get you what you want. But if you're the stubborn kind and want to give fate a nudge, here are some tips you can use to magnetize someone you love. Remember, though: you have been warned.
Begin as friends. This is usually where good things begin and being friends with someone you love isn't so bad. It's not as good as being in love with each other, but it can be a start to magnetize someone to get interested. Right now, the person you love probably sees you in a one-dimensional light. There is a 50-50 chance that they'll learn to like you once they get to know you.
Make a list. Find out what your beloved likes and dislikes and make a list of every useful thing there is to know about them. This will help you to magnetize someone you love. Check every trait or quality that you have or use a rating system (1 being totally not you and 10 being you're proof such a characteristic exists in a living person). Be honest. You can't pretend forever, you know.
Get yourself in the line of sight. You can't hope to attract or magnetize someone enough to make them love you if they can't see you. Increase your visibility by a notch, maybe two, hell - three. Four or five will be pushing it. You want to be visible, not annoying like an ever-present fly or wallpaper.
If the object of your desires goes to a certain gym, you might want to join the same outfit and get the same schedule. Or if your future partner plays tennis, learn to swing the racquet yourself. It won't be easy, but then again, to magnetize someone and being loved is never easy so be prepared for possibilities.
Show your good side is a good way to magnetize someone you love. Especially your best angle and we don't mean just your profile. If your beloved likes someone who can cook, casually mention you make a mean lasagna or better yet, make the best lasagna you can and give it away to your friends, which of course, includes your special someone. Just make sure it's really good.
Make it look casual. There's a certain thing about trying too hard that spells p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c and it could be difficult to swallow. Make whatever you do to attract or magnetize someone you love look effortless and casual, as if you didn't think about it, as if it's something you usually do.
Do you really want you magnetize someone you love? Discover the powerful, step-by-step secrets of how to meet, attract, and create a lasting and fulfilling relationship with the kind of person you've always wanted? Even if you're shy or don't think you are good looking. Find out how to magnetize someone you love visit The Woman Men Adore
Again, there is nothing you can do to make someone love you but there are ways you can use to let them see what a wonderful person you are. It's always a shot but it might not always get you what you want. But if you're the stubborn kind and want to give fate a nudge, here are some tips you can use to magnetize someone you love. Remember, though: you have been warned.
Begin as friends. This is usually where good things begin and being friends with someone you love isn't so bad. It's not as good as being in love with each other, but it can be a start to magnetize someone to get interested. Right now, the person you love probably sees you in a one-dimensional light. There is a 50-50 chance that they'll learn to like you once they get to know you.
Make a list. Find out what your beloved likes and dislikes and make a list of every useful thing there is to know about them. This will help you to magnetize someone you love. Check every trait or quality that you have or use a rating system (1 being totally not you and 10 being you're proof such a characteristic exists in a living person). Be honest. You can't pretend forever, you know.
Get yourself in the line of sight. You can't hope to attract or magnetize someone enough to make them love you if they can't see you. Increase your visibility by a notch, maybe two, hell - three. Four or five will be pushing it. You want to be visible, not annoying like an ever-present fly or wallpaper.
If the object of your desires goes to a certain gym, you might want to join the same outfit and get the same schedule. Or if your future partner plays tennis, learn to swing the racquet yourself. It won't be easy, but then again, to magnetize someone and being loved is never easy so be prepared for possibilities.
Show your good side is a good way to magnetize someone you love. Especially your best angle and we don't mean just your profile. If your beloved likes someone who can cook, casually mention you make a mean lasagna or better yet, make the best lasagna you can and give it away to your friends, which of course, includes your special someone. Just make sure it's really good.
Make it look casual. There's a certain thing about trying too hard that spells p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c and it could be difficult to swallow. Make whatever you do to attract or magnetize someone you love look effortless and casual, as if you didn't think about it, as if it's something you usually do.
Do you really want you magnetize someone you love? Discover the powerful, step-by-step secrets of how to meet, attract, and create a lasting and fulfilling relationship with the kind of person you've always wanted? Even if you're shy or don't think you are good looking. Find out how to magnetize someone you love visit The Woman Men Adore
Become a Desirable Woman- The Woman Men Adore
When it Comes to Men, Some Women Have It...and You Can Too!... You Can Become a Desirable Woman
by Bob Grant, L.P.C. author of “The Woman Men Adore”
Every day in my counseling office, I hear women say some variation of this:
“In the last few years, I have had relationships with men who, at first, seemed perfect for me. They were attentive, attractive and fun to be around. Then suddenly, as if they knew they had reeled me in, they stopped trying. They stopped calling as much, stopped taking me out and basically stopped the romantic dance that couples do when they are falling in love. Was it me? After all, I think I’m attractive, have a good personality and I work out to keep my body in nice shape. So why then, do I always end up with the men who become “couch potatoes” at my house? The men who would rather bring a six pack over and watch football all day and then expect me to fix dinner? Do I suddenly turn into just a “buddy” to them, the girl next door?
I see other women who, frankly, are not as attractive as I am or as thin as I am, who seem to get the “hot” men. I don’t necessarily mean gorgeous men, but the men who take them to nice restaurants, bring them flowers, take them dancing and, basically, “court” them. What secrets do they know that I don’t, because they certainly aren’t sharing them?”
Most women think a wonderful relationship is simply about finding the right man. The truth is that those women who have wonderful relationships didn’t necessarily know where to find good men, instead they attracted them. Would you like to learn how to become a desirable woman and keep a wonderful man? The best way to find out probably isn’t by talking to a woman; instead, a man would be able to give you the secrets to a man’s heart.
I’d like to share with you the secrets that men find irresistible and powerless to resist. The dirty little secret is that having a perfect body isn’t nearly as important as you have been led to believe. You can discover this incredible information by simply CLICKING HERE
by Bob Grant, L.P.C. author of “The Woman Men Adore”
Every day in my counseling office, I hear women say some variation of this:
“In the last few years, I have had relationships with men who, at first, seemed perfect for me. They were attentive, attractive and fun to be around. Then suddenly, as if they knew they had reeled me in, they stopped trying. They stopped calling as much, stopped taking me out and basically stopped the romantic dance that couples do when they are falling in love. Was it me? After all, I think I’m attractive, have a good personality and I work out to keep my body in nice shape. So why then, do I always end up with the men who become “couch potatoes” at my house? The men who would rather bring a six pack over and watch football all day and then expect me to fix dinner? Do I suddenly turn into just a “buddy” to them, the girl next door?
I see other women who, frankly, are not as attractive as I am or as thin as I am, who seem to get the “hot” men. I don’t necessarily mean gorgeous men, but the men who take them to nice restaurants, bring them flowers, take them dancing and, basically, “court” them. What secrets do they know that I don’t, because they certainly aren’t sharing them?”
Most women think a wonderful relationship is simply about finding the right man. The truth is that those women who have wonderful relationships didn’t necessarily know where to find good men, instead they attracted them. Would you like to learn how to become a desirable woman and keep a wonderful man? The best way to find out probably isn’t by talking to a woman; instead, a man would be able to give you the secrets to a man’s heart.
I’d like to share with you the secrets that men find irresistible and powerless to resist. The dirty little secret is that having a perfect body isn’t nearly as important as you have been led to believe. You can discover this incredible information by simply CLICKING HERE
Make Every Man Want You More
Who Else Wants to Know the SECRET to Attracting Men?
I've Discovered An Attraction Switch So Powerful It Can Transform Your Life in An Instant...
And Now I'm Ready to Share This Powerful 6-Step Man Attraction System with You!
I've Discovered An Attraction Switch So Powerful It Can Transform Your Life in An Instant...
And Now I'm Ready to Share This Powerful 6-Step Man Attraction System with You!
When Do You Know If He's Right?
by Amy Waterman, Relationship Expert
How many dates does it take to make a decision about whether or not you want to pursue a relationship?
I've always been curious about this aspect of dating, because very few women have comparable experiences. With some dates, the knowledge is immediate and instinctual. With other dates, months may pass before the endearing nature of his laugh, his smile, his character becomes apparent.
I know that I am a slow warmer. I am wary when I meet a man for the first time. I am dubious of his intentions. I read innuendo where none was intended. It takes me time to let down my guard.
It's not because I'm naturally a suspicious person. It's because, in the realm of relationships, I've been burned enough by bad apples.
I'm representative of most women my age. By one's thirties, one has experienced enough bad relationships to associate the dualities of pain and pleasure with a man. One is never sure how much to trust.
But this isn't natural.
Twenty years ago, I loved all boys. I played with them innocently and full-heartedly. Boys were my playmates, my cohorts in crime, and my teammates for games. I could think no evil of boys. Their strange preferences for dirt, body odor, cars, and constrictive underpants were simply idiosyncrasies of fascinating playmates.
As I grew older, I realized that boys could no longer be trusted to play innocently with me. My first two male friends in college were cool--a jazz musician and an Apple Mac gamer--until I realized they "liked" me. I quickly dissolved the friendships. I wanted the innocent companionship and friendship of my childhood male schoolmates. I didn't realize that maturing would erase that possibility completely.
When do we women lose our innocence with men? And can we ever regain it?
In my line of work, one great danger is to take relationships and attraction too seriously. Many women feel that the potential of the man they are seeing is a matter of life or death. Instead of having fun playing with him (like a child with a favorite playmate), they evaluate his potential as a father. They situate any future relationship squarely in the realm of adulthood. The rest of their lives is at stake.
My flatmate tells me that the definition of compatibility as a couple is when his or her issues are compatible with your issues.
That's a pretty adult view of the situation.
I have a different view. I believe that you know a man is compatible with you if he likes to play the same "games" you like to play. Maybe you like to tease in a certain way; maybe there's a certain game in bed that you like to play. Maybe you like to go out; maybe you like to mountain bike. If he likes to enjoy himself and have fun and laugh in the same ways as you, you've found a potential soul mate.
We all knew back in childhood that there were some children that we could play with for ages, and there were others who liked games that didn't interest us. It's the same with men and women.
Yet in our attempt to find a suitable man, we often forget to look for one that we have fun with. One that makes the kinds of jokes we find funny (and laughs at our jokes). One that is up for any crazy scheme we propose. One that will make our life happy and light-hearted, not just important and successful.
Life is serious and dry enough. We don't need relationships to replicate those patterns.
Relationships should be a haven from life's dry seriousness. You should be able to feel like a child with your partner, unembarrassed at the silliest of games. Together, you will be responsible for forming a life, raising children, making a home ... but all this will only be enjoyable if you can laugh together.
I have been out on dates with many successful, intense, highly attractive men. I admire them, appreciate them, and learn much from conversations with them. These are the men who will shape the world. No woman can fail to respond to their power.
But as for myself ... in my little, humble world ... I envision my ideal future as one in which there is always laughter, in which I can return to childhood with my spouse and play those games that I didn't get to play enough before I grew "old." I want us to be able to chase one another around the room, have pillow fights, and wrestle. I want us to tease one another, share silly jokes, and dissolve the seriousness of a working day with the magical spell of humor.
So, I suppose, the answer to my question is that it takes exactly the number of dates you need to decide whether you've found a companion you can play with. Some kids find a game they can play with each other right off the bat. Other kids end up trying lopsided games that one but not the other likes until they either find a game they like in common or give up.
Trust your child-heart's instinct. Ask yourself ... if you were a kid, would you play with this guy? Or would he be one of those kids who tries to control the game, or change the rules, or cheat?
A partner who makes life more fun is a treasure indeed,
All the best in life and love,
Amy Waterman
Host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"
************************************************************
About the author:
Amy Waterman is a professional writer specializing in attraction, dating, and relationships. She has extensive experience in helping women find love with her insightful and powerful secrets into attracting love and making relationships work. She is currently the host of the latest edition of "How To Be Irresistible To Men," which is part of the 000Relationships Network.
Her innovative program is a powerful instant-access multimedia course with a comprehensive supporting workbook. Additionally, members receive a number of bonus e-books on topics ranging from overcoming shyness to kissing, a 160-minute online video library, secrets of self-hypnosis, their very own personal email consultation, and much, much more! The "How To Be Irresistible To Men" Premium Course offers all women – single or not - a dynamic and comprehensive toolkit to attract love into their lives and establish strong and supportive relationships.
You can learn more about how to attract the man of your dreams and get the relationship you always wanted visit How To Be Irresistible To Men
Why You Should Ditch the Rules
A long, long time ago, the path from courtship to marriage was clear. Women waited for men to ask them out, allowed men to pay for every date, and breathlessly anticipated a marriage proposal.
Back then, the rules of courtship were clearly defined. There were things a woman did … and things she should NEVER do. Only a vulgar and shameless woman would pursue a man.
Many of today’s so-called “time-tested secrets” for meeting and attracting Mr. Right come from that era, an age in which men were MEN, and women were WOMEN, and gender roles kept them an arms-length apart.
Playing by those rules today isn’t just old-fashioned; it’s just plain limiting. Today, we as women have more freedom than at any other time in human history. We can work in whatever job we want, live wherever we want, and date whomever we want! Why, then, would we willingly step back under the yoke of courtship Do’s and Don’ts designed in a culture that’s long past and good riddance?
Because, in the often-confusing modern dating world, rules make us feel safe. Do’s and Don’ts can keep us from making mistakes. Dating “rules” (like ending a phone call first, or not accepting a weekend date after Wednesday) can prevent us from getting rejected.
Or can they?
If you keep yourself from doing certain things around men and make yourself do others based on FEAR that you’ll make a mistake or FEAR that he’ll reject you, then you’re setting the foundation for a relationship based on insecurity.
It’s the same error our grandmothers and great-grandmothers made so many years ago: they looked to the MEN to define whether they were in a relationship, what form it would take, and how long it would last.
As a result, the only way women were able to influence the outcome was through indirect means – such being mysterious, playing “hard to get,” and not letting on how they felt – to get what they wanted.
Today, it’s wonderful that men and women both can be so open, honest, and direct about topics that were taboo just a few generations before. But with this freedom comes power … and a great deal of confusion.
Even though the old rules were restricting, at least they gave us the confidence of familiarity. We knew what to do. We knew what the man’s role was, and we knew what the woman’s role was.
But if men and women each have an equal say in dating and relationships, then who is supposed to make the next move … and what even IS the next move?
The old dating Do’s and Don’ts simply are not flexible enough to account for the way society has changed and the diversity of cultures that exists.
That’s why I believe it is so important that we develop a new paradigm for dating and relationships that reflects who we are as modern women in a modern dating world.
That's why Amy Waterman, author of How to Be Irresistible to Men, and Marie Forleo, author of Make Every Man Want You, got together to produce a dating course unlike any other. They set out to show how women can find out what to do in ANY dating situation, in a way that’s appropriate, effortless, and completely IRRESISTIBLE … all without resorting to outdated Do’s and Don’t that may not even apply to them!
Their collaboration resulted in the riveting audio program, Make Every Man Want You MORE! Over the six-lesson course, Amy and Marie lay out the essential tools every modern woman needs in a modern dating world, what it takes to move a relationship along from casual to committed, how to navigate tricky dating areas like communication, sex, “baggage” from your past, and more.
Single women today can feel enormously pressured to live up to a high standard in ALL areas of their life, from their careers to their appearance to their love life. If you don’t want to settle for anything less than excellence in life AND love, then Make Every Man Want You More will teach you how to effortlessly and flawlessly achieve your goals.
Find out more by going to: Make Every Man Want You
First Date Magic for Women
The Woman Men Adore
By Bob Grant, L.P.C.
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At least once a month one of my clients comes into my office upset about how her date went the previous weekend. Either she feels she did something wrong or worries that the guy didn't seem to be too interested in her.
For the next 45 minutes we dissect the evening in question and I offer suggestions on how to salvage a second date or I congratulate her on discovering that he wasn't worth another chance.
Many times though the problem lies with my client not understanding the purpose of a first date. Too often women (and men) concentrate on such things has compatibility, attraction and past relationship history.
All of these things are important but not for a first encounter. They are too in-depth for a casual get-to-know-you conversation.
The only thing a woman really needs to be concerned with is conveying her femininity. This is the easiest and most reliable way toward making a good first impression.
The three keys to a great first date are; wear a dress, smile often and allow him to speak first at the start of the date. Those three things will make him feel masculine and he will naturally find you more attractive because the first date is about being a girl, not revealing everything about yourself.
If those suggestions seem silly or sexist then I am afraid you don't understand men. Men like women in dresses because it radiates softness making a man want to hold and cuddle her.
Smiling at him always makes him feel more self assured. Letting him speak first conveys respect which is every man's greatest desire, even more than being loved. Show him that you have the ability to be the woman he has fantasized about and he will beg you for another date.
Once you have gone out 3 or more times then you are free to let him get to know you has an individual. Since you have shown him that you are every bit a woman, he will be much more motivated to get to know you as a person.
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When It Comes Relationships: Patterns Don't Lie
The Woman Men Adore
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By Bob Grant, L.P.C.
Many men and women know the definition of insanity (doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result) and in spite of this knowledge, they continue to date or marry the same type of person while expecting a different result.
Most therapists who have been practicing for a few years are familiar with this pattern. Usually those individuals who practice relationship insanity only enter therapy because they are in intense pain and they are desperate.
Often a woman will enter my office (since most of my clients are women) for relief from her heartache rather than to gain insight into her problems. Most of these women (men too) want their circumstances to be different, but they often don't want to change their behavior that is contributing to their pain.
During a session it is very common to have such a client nod in agreement when I point out WHY they are having trouble and then leave the session and repeat the same behavior. If it wasn’t so tragic, it would be funny.
What a good therapist is supposed to do is learn from their client’s history in relationships and help them identify their particular pattern. Focusing only on an isolated incident isn't very effective because most people believe it is a one time occurrence caused by circumstances beyond their control.
They truly believe that they are an innocent victim who is powerless over their current circumstance (usually regarding a romantic relationship). Their hope is that I will be able to help them identify the “mistake” they made with a particular man and tell them exactly what to do to fix the relationship.
What many of these women struggle with is that their current circumstances are a reflection of a pattern in their life and until they identify that pattern, they are doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes with men.
This concept became vividly clear to me years ago when I worked as a Group Therapy leader in an inpatient hospital setting. In my group there were all types of individuals who found themselves overpowered by their day to day life and in need of healing.
I began to notice that within my group there were..
...many women who were involved with men who were alcoholics. Their stories were different and yet they all had an eerie pattern of familiarity. They found the men "exciting" and felt an instant "chemistry" and couldn't understand how the same man could turn out to be so mean, insensitive and hurtful.
As their time in my group progressed some of these women found the strength (although temporarily) to begin setting limits with or even leaving such abusive men and when they did the group cheered their courage.
Fast forward 2 months. In nearly ever case the same women who had left their abusive relationship would begin dating someone new. He was different they assured the group and in many ways the new man in their life was different until they had dated him for a few weeks or months and seemingly out of nowhere, the same abusive traits of the former boyfriend or husband began to manifest in their new boyfriend.
I saw this pattern repeated so many times that I stopped counting. Usually by the third relationship I and the group had enough "evidence" to show the woman in question their relationship pattern with men.
It wasn’t that they intentionally sought out these type of men, but a subconscious belief was attracting them to these type of men based on their low self esteem. Those that were willing to pay more attention to patterns rather than intense feelings were able to date different type of men and ended up with a wonderful marriage.
Those who insisted that all they needed to do was find the right man were destined to continue their downward spiral indefinitely regardless of the amount of relationship advice or intense therapy they undertook.
Do you know your relationship pattern? Do you know what the men you have dated have in common? It won’t be obvious, but if you take some time you will be able to see a pattern and if you don’t like this pattern, you can change it.
When a person is willing to learn from their accept responsibility for their patterns, they then have the ability to change those patterns and get the results that they want because it's will always be true -- Patterns don't lie.
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Why Susan Dates Bad Boys (Jerks)
The Woman Men Adore
By Bob Grant, L.P.C.
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For the past 5 years Susan has been on a dating rollercoaster.
Each guy she dates has two identical qualities; they are always exciting and eventually treated her like dirt!
Now she isn’t stupid and doesn’t enjoy being mistreated. It’s just that she, like many women loathed being bored by a man.
It seemed to Susan that the only way to tell if a guy would make her happy is if she felt a “connection” with him (and the sooner the better) and with this being her measure of how to pick a man, she found herself dating men who excited her AND made her feel out of control.
In fact, in the beginning, every one of these men seemed so nice and sincere, certain of their love for her.
At first, they couldn’t get enough of her.
Flowers were followed my phone calls which frequently culminated with wild passionate sex.
With each man she felt she had found someone special, after all they told her that they felt the same way toward her, but this bliss never lasted. With each boyfriend the same familiar pattern began to emerge. Only the details were different.
One boyfriend just stopped calling her; the other began picking fights with her whenever they went on a date. Still another guy suddenly developed the need to point out how she needed to “get in shape.”
When her friends heard of this bad behavior they would rush to her defense and tell her to “just dump the guy.” They never understood why she would want to be with someone so rude, disrespectful and cold.
Yet whenever she resolved to end a relationship, her doubts would begin to speak to her.
Perhaps, she wondered, something she said or did had caused her boyfriend to become suddenly disenchanted with her. In fact, she often spent hours thinking and thinking about what she had done to bring on this bad behavior.
Each man had a different method of being mean to her.
Steve suddenly became emotionally distant when she wasn’t ready to go out on a date.
Jim became rude and argumentative after she “dared” to disagree with his opinion that homeless individuals needed to be hauled off to jail.
Alex was the best (or worst). He started complaining that Susan was gaining weight after a particular uninspiring evening in the bedroom.
Each man got worse rather than better. They each, in their own way, began to treat Susan with contempt in public. Some would only call her only when they were aroused, while others just stopped calling her altogether.
So Susan found her way into my office to ask me if there was something wrong with her. It couldn’t be simply a coincidence that nearly every man she dated turned out to be a Jerk could it?
After all, didn’t she feel such an emotional connection with each of them? If that wasn’t the way to identify a good guy from a Jerk, then what was?
Susan, I’m glad you asked. Are you sure you are ready to hear the answer because it isn’t going to be what you thought?
Yes, I’m ready.
As you wish. The answer is that time is always reveals the difference between a real man and a loser.
Don’t confuse intense feelings with genuine ones. Any man can be charming, wonderful and intoxicating in the moment because at that particular moment, they really do feel that way toward you.
Those that are insecure won’t be able to maintain their passion because it is based solely on getting what they want. Once they get the least bit bored or irritated, their nasty disposition will surface.
Susan, stop pretending that you are intuitive enough to discern a man’s heart based on the words he uses because you’re not.
Men that are jerks always sound convincing when they are motivated. Men don’t take words as seriously as women do, at least not in regards to women, the exception being the M word.
Susan, start acting like you have value instead of behaving like you need to be rescued. It’s o.k. if a relationship grows slowly. In fact with men it is actually preferred and you may have to be the one to keep it slow in the beginning.
Men that are jerks are self centered and only interested in a woman who is exciting. As long as you make them feel excited, they will be enchanted by you. The moment you dare to reveal any doubts, feelings or less than perfect characteristics, they will blame you for ruining a “perfect relationship.”
In other words, jerks can’t stand a real complete woman. Their too interested in having someone who is always happy, upbeat and rarely has a down day.
What they want is a fantasy, a perpetual girlfriend who knows better than to expect too much from them. They aren’t interested in growing, only in having fun.
Susan, you deserve better and if you’ll let me (or someone) show you how you can have the man of your dreams without having to keep getting hurt by bad boys who disguise themselves as wonderful men.
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Don't Send Your Ex that Email!
Calling MenGet Your Copy
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When a man has stopped contacting you, should you send him an email telling him that you have moved on?
Recently I heard from a woman who is in this exact situation. Here's what she wrote:
Question:
"Hi Mimi,
I have put together a short letter which I am planning to email to this guy in about a week's time. To me it is closure of this chapter, I have learned lessons from it, and I just want to turn the situation around as he has been blowing hot and cold with me since I told him how much I liked him.
"He only seems to want me when he can't have me, but when he knows he can have me he gets bored and ignores me. I haven't contacted him now for a few days, which will probably give him a surprise, because for the past couple of months, I have run after him.
"I would like to be strong and get my head together and get across to him that I am NOT going to run after him anymore and that I don't just sit around waiting to hear from him.
"When I first met him I was strong, smart and independent and he liked that about me, but once he told me how much he wanted me, I opened up to him about MY feelings and that was a big mistake, because then HE backed off!!
"I would be very grateful for your advice. Do you feel this would help turn the situation around? I have to be honest, I've been running after him, telling him how great and how gorgeous he is and making myself available all the time.
"I want the part of me back that is strong, independent and smart. I am so dearly hoping to get things right this time.
"Thank you, -- Carmen"
Carmen's email to her ex-boyfriend is 4 paragraphs long, and it ends with this:
"For the first time, in a long time, I am looking forward to a bright and happy future. I'm not in a rush to tie myself down again with anyone. Right now I'm still not sure who I want to be with, all I know is I want the best for myself, I'm smart, I've good judgment and I don't go out with just anyone. I'm happy as I am, and things are looking up."
Response:
Dear Carmen,
I know what you are going through! You have the best of intentions but you are still nowhere near over this guy - or else you would not care about whether he knows you have moved on.
In writing to him, you are saying loud and clear that you have not moved on; that you still have strong feelings for him, even though your words say otherwise. And you don't need to tell him that you're smart!
Remember, men don't like long emails - and 4 paragraphs counts as long. Actions speak louder than words - so the best way to show him you have moved on is to leave him completely alone.
Email should not be for this kind of communication, either - for LOTS of reasons.
It's not a good idea, in my opinion, to send an ex an "I'm doing great now" email. What would you think if you got exactly that email from someone you broke up with whom you had treated the way this guy has been treating you? It would sound a little pathetic, wouldn't it? Believe me, I am not saying that to insult you! I'm saying it so you will see how it will sound to HIM.
And please don't talk yourself into sending it for your OWN sake, for "closure." I know how that goes - women do this all the time: "I don't care what HE thinks of my email. I'm not sending it for him. I'm sending it for me - for closure." You want closure, girls? Well, that's not the way to get it!
Why? It's because, as I say in my book 'Calling Men', when he IGNORES this big effort you have put into your email with your time and your emotions - while you are telling yourself you don't care about him anymore - you WILL feel hurt, and you will regret sending that email.
It's completely unnecessary to put yourself through that.
If you want to forget a man, then leave him alone. If you want to make him start thinking about you again, then don't send him an email - instead get word to him from someone else that another guy is really interested in you!
All this time you are spending on him, you could be meeting new people who will appreciate you. After all, he did, so other men will too.
I know how hard it is when you really care about someone and it ends. But you can get past that And later on, you will see him in a completely different light - you can count on that!
Thank you for allowing us to share in your situation, "Carmen," and when this guy calls you again - which is a lot more likely to happen if you don't send that email - put him on "Relationship Rations" (TM). That means you won't see him too often. But better yet, give someone else a chance so you can get some perspective.
I hope things work out very well for Carmen!!
With love,
Mimi Tanner
Author of "Calling Men - The Complete Guide to Calling and Emailing the Men You Date!"
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When He Tells You to Call Him
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The Complete Guide to Calling and Emailing Men
By author Mimi Tanner
Often a new man in our lives will say to us, “Call me.” What does that mean?
Those two little words can play big games with a woman’s mind if she’s not aware of what they really mean – and how she should react (or not react) to them.
There’s only one time when it’s good news to hear “Call me” from a man – and that’s when he’s already calling you frequently. He’s already actively pursuing you, and would be thrilled to get a call from you. That’s the way you want it.
As you can imagine, when a woman calls a new man daily or even more often, instead of making her calls rare and special occasions, her calls will be far less welcome and are much more likely to come at a bad time or become an annoyance.
Worse still, her constant calls virtually ensure that her man is never going to spend time thinking about her.
A man must spend time thinking about you in order to fall in love with you.
When a man casually says “Call me,” some women assume that this means he intends to make a date, when he was just ending your conversation. “Call me” can be the equivalent of the not-too-sincere “let’s have lunch.” Translation: “Call me – a year from never!”
When we really want to get closer to a man, and he throws out “Call me,” some women make the mistake of latching on to this and taking it too literally. This reveals to him that you have a lot more invested in a future with him than he does at that point. This will make a man want to back off from you immediately.
Here’s a question from a woman who wondered what to do when a man told her to call him:
Hi Mimi,
I’m mulling this over in my head: I went out with a guy on Friday night. We’ve gone out before but nothing terribly serious.
When he dropped me off, he said, “Call me early this coming week and we can chat. I had a great time tonight.”
So, of course, I said, “Well, I have a phone too; why don’t you call me?”
He laughed and said, “Yeah, you’re right, I guess it works both ways.”
[Mimi: When I heard those words “I guess” that would have told me a lot – it states loud and clear that he’s not interested - or at least, not interested enough. “I guess” about whether he should call her is very weak language indeed!]
So, I was just going to wait for him to call me, but then the next day he called me and left a message on my cell phone. I called back, but his phone was turned off or didn’t have service, which is understandable because he told me he was going to be at a boxing match that night, and it was nighttime by the time I called.
Anyway, I was just wondering, now that it’s “early this week,” if it would be appropriate for me to call him, or if I should just wait and see if he calls me?
This might be a stupid question, but I think my judgment goes away when I really like someone...
-- Beth
I’m mulling this over in my head: I went out with a guy on Friday night. We’ve gone out before but nothing terribly serious.
When he dropped me off, he said, “Call me early this coming week and we can chat. I had a great time tonight.”
So, of course, I said, “Well, I have a phone too; why don’t you call me?”
He laughed and said, “Yeah, you’re right, I guess it works both ways.”
[Mimi: When I heard those words “I guess” that would have told me a lot – it states loud and clear that he’s not interested - or at least, not interested enough. “I guess” about whether he should call her is very weak language indeed!]
So, I was just going to wait for him to call me, but then the next day he called me and left a message on my cell phone. I called back, but his phone was turned off or didn’t have service, which is understandable because he told me he was going to be at a boxing match that night, and it was nighttime by the time I called.
Anyway, I was just wondering, now that it’s “early this week,” if it would be appropriate for me to call him, or if I should just wait and see if he calls me?
This might be a stupid question, but I think my judgment goes away when I really like someone...
-- Beth
Dear Beth,
Of course it’s sometimes hard to hang on to our good judgment when we really like someone. I know exactly what you mean.
You handled that beautifully when you said in a flirtatious way that you have a phone too. You didn’t say “Oh, I never call men.” Women should never say that - it’s too harsh and it makes you sound like you read a book about not calling men! It’s a good idea to keep your “secret weapons” a secret, and maintain your mystery.
Men are not stupid. It’s never necessary to tell a man that you don’t call men - at least not any man who is worth your time.
It’s not a good sign that his parting words were “Call me early next week and we can chat.” They should have been, “I’ll call you early this week” which states both the fact that he will call and when. So you did well to let him know up front that you don’t play the game by his rules which put you at a distinct disadvantage. What if you said, “Okay, I’ll call you,” and sweetly accepted his putting the ball in your court to continue the relationship by pursuing him?? Perish the thought! That would be the beginning of the end!
He told you to call him “to chat.” That means nothing – especially since he told you to do the calling.
Perhaps he was testing you to find out how much of a challenge you will be, or how “into him” you already are – or perhaps he’s just been spoiled by other women who do call.
When you lightly said that he could also call you, it went well – because he did call you the next day.
Saying “Hey, I have a phone, too – you can call me” works as long as you say it in a smiling and teasing way – never offended or indignant. It works also because you are telling him nicely what you want him to do. He’ll get the message.
You already tried to return his call, and were unable to. So when he calls you, you can mention that. But it’s not a good idea to try numerous times to return a phone call that can’t be returned – even if he does not know you tried to call.
It’s his job to make sure his phone is turned on. If it’s turned off, then he probably doesn’t want any calls – especially if he’s left no means for you to leave a message. He knows he’s unreachable, and that must be what he wanted right then. That’s not a problem if he calls you later when he can talk. He did not forget that you exist!
He knows you probably tried to reach him, but were unable to, if his phone was out of service. No one else was able to reach him either at that time. If your return call is important to him, he will call you, since he knows he may have missed your call. So let it go.
Your best move now is to do absolutely nothing! This means that you don’t have to think about him until you hear from him! I know; that’s easier said than done. Get your mind on something else.
When he does call you back, he’ll know that you are not desperate.
You did not move heaven and earth to find out why he did not or could not pick up his phone. You did not keep calling him until you reached him.
He’ll also know that you are not going to be the type of girl who hounds him mercilessly once he shows the slightest interest in you.
Because of how you handle calling him, he is far less likely to ever keep you at a distance - because it will not be necessary.
Read the entire book Calling Men to find out:
- Why it doesn’t work when a man expects a woman to call him first.
- What can you say to the man who tells you to call him?
- What if he insists that you call him first?
- Should you give your number to a man who has not asked you for it?
- Will he get angry with you if he says “Call me” and you don’t call him?
- And much, much more!
3 First Date No-No's
The Woman Men Adore
By Bob Grant, L.P.C.
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Contrary to popular belief, the priority on a first date should be more about not making a mistake rather than making a good impression.
Face it, the very fact that a guy asks you for a date means you have already made a good impression.
Because of this, you don’t have to impress him; rather, your main focus should be to NOT do these 3 things.
1) Don’t make suggestions, let him be in charge
Hopefully, you will never be in the position of having a guy ask you for a date, and then show up at your door and ask you the question every woman dreads, “So, what would you like to do?”
To be fair, the reason some guys do this is because they are worried about planning something that you don’t like. Rather than making a mistake in selecting the activity, they instead choose to avoid the risk of rejection.
Most, thankfully, know they need to plan the evening. If, however, you are asked about your preference, maintain your role as receptive female by saying, “I’m not sure, what did you have in mind?”
This will set the tone that HE is the man, and that it is his job to plan an evening to please you.
Don’t worry about coming across as a snob, witch or worse. If he is so insecure that he needs you to plan the evening, good riddance. Better you discover this about him now than later.
2) Don’t pay for the meal
Regardless of what part of the world you live in, nearly every man believes that a clear sign that a woman is not interested is her insistence in paying for her own meal.
Now, many women have confided to me that they have offered (insisted) to pay for their meal because they didn’t want to give the impression that they were selfish.
While their intention is noble, men don’t view it that way. Any first date is about a woman acting like a woman, not an equal. Leave the concept of fair at your work or school.
He didn’t ask you out because he wanted to spend the least amount of money possible.
On a first date, a man is more concerned that he can please you than he is about spending an extra $20-$50, I promise.
3) Above all, DON'T have Sex with him
One of the fastest ways to ruin a potentially great relationship is to introduce intimacy too soon. Men are very driven to prove their power to themselves.
They usually measure this by what (or whom) they have conquered.
Frequently, when a man conquers something, he moves on to something else, and, once the chase has ended, he becomes bored.
A wise woman knows that the more a man invests in something, the more he values it. Sex is a prize he receives in return for his devotion and commitment. The more casual a woman makes sex, the more casual a man takes commitment.
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3 Signs He's Interested
The Woman Men Adore
By Bob Grant, L.P.C.
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He Makes Good Eye Contact
Since guys are visual, it goes without saying that they stare at women whom they find attractive. This is significant because, as a general rule of thumb, men tend to avoid prolonged eye contact because of its threatening nature (think Alpha Male stuff).
In addition, every man can tell you a story of some woman he was nice to, who misinterpreted his kindness as an indication of romantic interest. If you ask 100 men why they are so guarded about giving a woman the wrong impression, the answer is simple, “Because she might not leave.”
How to respond: When you notice his gaze, simply smile back while maintaining eye contact for a couple of seconds and then quickly look away. This simple gesture is all the invitation he’ll need to approach you.
He’ll Listen to You
Need I mention that men hate being bored. Women don’t prefer it, but men detest it. Nothing is more boring to most men than being trapped in a conversation with someone who doesn’t interest them.
If you were to ask how you can tell if you are the woman who is holding him hostage, relax. Most men won’t listen long enough for that to happen to you. If he’s listening to you talk about your work, friends or other interests for more than 5 minutes, he’s interested in you.
How to Respond: Remember that the person doing the talking is NOT in control. The listener is in control. You want the conversation centered on him so that you can begin training him to be emotionally dependent on you.
Men always find women who listen to them to be irresistible. When you are listening, be sure to make eye contact with him occasionally. Most women can easily do two things at once, so resist the urge to listen and look elsewhere.
Without some eye contact, you may hear what he’s saying, but you won’t look like you care.
He Frequents Your Friends
Most men know that if you simply approach a woman and give her a “yes” or “no” question, you only have a 50/50 chance of her saying yes, or worse. Therefore, the clever guys are those who slowly infiltrate your inner circle of friends because they know if your friends like them, they have a better chance with you.
Don’t be threatened if you see a guy strike up a conversation with one of your girlfriends. Yes, he may just be interested in her and not you, but there is a good chance you are the primary target.
As a guy gets to know your friends, it becomes easier for him to approach both of you in the future.
How to Respond: If you notice him talking to one of your gal pals, don’t approach them too quickly. In fact, don’t approach them at all. Act as though you didn’t notice them speaking and maintain your distance.
The next time you are with that friend, stay close to her and he’ll be able to approach you, through her.
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Divorce Recovery
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By Bob Grant, L.P.C.
The first and most critical step is to allow yourself time to heal. The first few months (perhaps longer) following a divorce is not the time to try and figure out what went wrong. Trying to be your own counselor only prolongs the feeling of hopelessness. Let others help you.
There are people (i.e., family, friends, professionals, etc.), who would love to offer support, but they need to have their offer accepted. If you isolate yourself, it becomes almost impossible for others to offer support. The first 6 months to a year after a divorce are hard enough, don’t make it worse. DON’T ISOLATE.
When the time for reflection does come, ask yourself this question: Why did I attract that type of person into my life? One of the main reasons that we select or are drawn to a specific type of individual is that subconsciously we are attracted to someone who will expose those areas in our life that we need to work on.
They will “push our buttons,” so to speak. Given enough time, those individuals that we date and/or marry will expose unresolved issues, character flaws etc… that we need to address. I guarantee it. Here is an example. Susan just got divorced. Her husband had a terrible temper (not physical violence, but major yelling and screaming).
When he became angry it made her feel out of control. Susan feels that the majority of her problems were related to her former husband’s temper., and she swore that she will never again marry a man with a temper. Within 2 years Susan meets and marries Jeff. Jeff never gets angry. Problem solved - right? No. There is now a different problem. Jeff does get angry; however, his response to anger is to become quiet (real quiet).
If there was one part of my job that I could do without, it is watching couples spiral down the path to divorce. While most couples I see don’t end up getting a divorce, there is that small percentage who are so filled with resentment that either one, or in some instances both of the them has already decided the marriage is over.
While I firmly believe that if two people want to stay together, it really is possible to build something wonderful, there are some situations where one party has decided they have suffered too much pain. It has become a matter of protecting themselves.
I have read many books which state things like, “How to change your partner even when they don’t want to be changed.” I must admit, I have suggested many of these very techniques to wives and husbands whose spouse would never come to counseling.
But to tell you the truth, there are some circumstances (i.e., chronic unfaithfulness, physical abuse, etc.). that make it nearly impossible for one spouse to carry the weight of two. For those of you who have been divorced or if you know of someone who has, let me say that from my experience, what you or they felt was often more traumatic than what most people will ever experience in their lifetime.
The reason - divorce is more like a death than anything else. In many cases if affects individuals even worse than a death, because a choice is involved. If your spouse dies, there is a certain degree of fate. Something terrible happened beyond your control.
With divorce, a choice had to be made. Perhaps I shouldn't have ended. If only I had given him (her) another chance. Why did I wait so long? Is there something wrong with me? The questions could go on forever.
What can be done to help heal the pain of a divorce?
The problem for Susan is that when Jeff is quiet this also makes her feel out of control. Not in the exact same way that her former marriage did, but eerily similar. Has she made a bad choice with Jeff? I don’t think so, but she has to deal with those feelings of being out of control. The situation forces her to deal with those feelings. If she simply blames Jeff for her unhappiness, she is destined to divorce again.
The final stage of recovery is so simple yet many never realize it’s importance. FORGIVE YOURSELF, AND FORGIVE YOUR EX-SPOUSE. Forgive yourself for all the things you could have done, and forgive your spouse for everything you wish he/she had done.
No one marries with the intention of getting a divorce; however wise or poor the choice to divorce was - it’s done. Going through a divorce is rough enough. If it haunts you for the rest of their life and prevents you from ever taking a risk again, then not only will you miss out, but someone else will too.
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Why Relationships are Difficult
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By Bob Grant, L.P.C.
A large part of my practice is made up of people interested in relationship advice. Not really by design (I started out working with teenagers), it just sort of worked out that way. Most often when someone comes in they want to know what to do.
They request a 5 step plan to fix their problem, and they will be on their way. I must confess, for years I tried that “5 step” type of approach. Reading book after book and experimenting on my clients. While I have personally seen marriages seemingly miraculously healed, it just wasn’t happening every time. The magical formula never came, at least not in the form I had expected.
What I did discover was that relationships are more than meets the eye. As I have mentioned in previous article, if you have suffered any type of injury or trauma as a child, your brain and heart have an overriding goal for you. They will protect you at any cost. Even if it that method of protection causes you pain and loneliness. It is often primitive and deeply rooted. Here is an example.
Let’s pretend that I have a client named Alan (I made him up). Alan meets a woman named Cindy. Alan really likes Cindy and proceeds to call her every 5 minutes. When he comes into my office I tell him, “Lets not call Cindy every 5 minutes.
Women don’t like that.” The next week he comes back in and says, “Bob, I have improved twice as much. I only called her every 10 minutes.” While I appreciate Alan’s 100% improvement, what Alan needs is to do is improve exponentially and not call Cindy any more than once a week.
You can guess Alan’s reaction; he will grasp his heart as though I stabbed him. This surely can’t be the Lord’s will to abandon something that seems so right? It seems so right to call her, yet those feelings betray him. Every time Alan gets nervous he picks up the phone and calls Cindy. It keeps his anxiety away.
Some use cigarettes or alcohol for the same anxiety relief. What I want is for Alan to be anxious. He must allow himself to feel out of control so we can find out what the anxiety is trying to tell him.
His feelings will give him insight, if (and this is a big if) he will allow himself to listen to those anxious feelings rather than acting them out.
At times the insights occur quickly, other times it takes longer. What would cause Alan to be so anxious? There may be a variety of reasons. Most likely, he is afraid of being hurt or rejected.
While he longs for a relationship, he has also set himself up for failure because he feels that a relationship should feel good...always...forever.
His long history of avoiding painful feelings has taught him to be even more afraid of them. Painful feelings are bad things, to run away from.
The problem with Alan’s thinking is that relationships, by their very nature, are a bit scary. Once you allow yourself to experience a feeling you like (such as love), all the uncomfortable feelings now also have a doorway out of your heart.
It no longer remains suppressed, and it all comes out. Feelings and fears alike that may have been dormant for years now seem to come out at the most inconvenient times.
The reason I am so relationship oriented is that many times individuals misinterpret their fear and anxiety as something wrong with them or with their partner, rather than realizing it is something to work through.
It is an opportunity to be free of the very fears they are experiencing. (This in no way involves instances of abuse, or an unhealthily relationship. If it is unhealthy your friends and/or family will gladly point that out to you).
If we could learn to stay with our fears rather than acting them out, our heart will learn that it does not need to protect us as it did when we were a child. In time those childhood fears will begin to subside. What now feels unnatural, can in time become effortless.
If you or someone you know feels they are experiencing this type of issue, let them know that there is help. What is happening to them is not unique. There are answers to their questions and fears. Once they discover this, relationships become an opportunity for healing and growth, rather than work.
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Does Your Man Truly Value You?
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Understanding the Secret of Scarcity
by Mimi Tanner, author of The Secrets of Flirting with Men
One of the great lessons of love is known as the scarcity factor. Plain and simple: people tend to want what they cannot have!
When things are hard to obtain, they seem more valuable!
One example is collector's items. The more rare something is, the more people think it is worth.
Have you seen what people will pay for a baseball card just because it's rare?
It's called "perceived value."
I personally paid $150 over the internet to buy an out-of-print book that was written in the 1950's - and I was thrilled to find this book.
The very same book was given to me a few weeks later by a public school librarian because no one had checked it out in at least fifteen years.
Obviously some people think that book is valuable - or the internet price would not have been so high - but for others, it was gathering dust and needed to be discarded.
How does this apply to relationships between men and women?
It really starts on the inside.
If you value yourself, it will show, and others will value you more, too.
If you value yourself, you will be focused on your own goals and activities - and less focused every waking minute on some guy.
I get a lot of email from women who are spending enormous amounts of time thinking about a guy in their life, but who are not spending enormous amounts of time adding value to their own lives by learning and growing.
Women who spend all their time reading women's magazines, watching TV, or gabbing on the phone - they're on a fast track to becoming one boring, boring person.
It's not about being self-absorbed or selfish - it's really about self-respect. The greatest gift you have is YOU. What you do with this gift will affect not only you, but literally thousands of people.
Whether you believe it or not, you are important. People know you and are aware of you - your presence is known. Your image is out there. You are somebody - right now.
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What You Call Him, He will Become
The Woman Men Adore
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By: Bob Grant, L.P.C.
(an excerpt from "The Woman Men Adore...and Never Want to Leave")
Years ago, there was a therapist I worked with named Susan. Susan told me she went to a seminar that a friend of ours named Steve was giving.
Since she thought she may want to do similar seminars in the future about marriage, she wanted to see how Steve made his presentation.
So, Susan took her husband Dave and during the seminar, Steve made this statement: "What you call your spouse, they will become". Now, Susan had been married for 20 years, and when she heard this statement she laughed to herself as she leaned over to Dave and said, "Ha, skinny!"
Dave leaned toward her, laughing, and said, "Haha, sexy!" After the seminar was over, she said to me, "Bob, I made it a point to try that, just to see what would happen.
For 10 years, Dave weighed 215 pounds, and hadn't been able to get rid of more than 5 pounds at a time, and then he got discouraged and gave up." So, Susan began to call Dave "skinny" and "slim" as the opportunities presented themselves.
After 2 months, she asked him how his weight was coming, and he reported that he had lost over 18 pounds. She was amazed.
At the end of the story, I paused and asked her, "Susan, does Dave call you sexy?" She gave me a pained smile and said, "No." Immediately I thought to myself, "that's too bad because Dave probably has no idea what he's missed out on."
It wasn't that Susan needed a makeover or that there was anything wrong with her at all.
Dave had missed out on an opportunity to influence his lovely wife. Notice what happened with Susan? She had to make it a priority to take the step. She didn't wait until she felt like it, or until she saw that Dave was doing it correctly. Instead, she was proactive.
She made a decision, and after that decision was made, she proactively and consistently pursued it until she got the results she wanted. What Susan stumbled onto is what I know about men-they want to be influenced by a woman!
Some men are not good at receiving this, or at giving up power, but what most long to be married to a woman who shapes and molds them.
This type of influence does not feel threatening to a man. Susan was the same case. She would have loved for Dave to influence her, to shape her, to reinforce what he thought about her.
Here was a seminar that gave Dave the perfect opportunity, yet he missed the opportunity.
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3 Things Men Can't Resist in a Woman
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By: Bob Grant, L.P.C. “The Relationship Doctor”
A Woman Who Smiles (More powerful than you might realize)
A woman who smiles makes it easier for a man to approach her by conveying an attitude of confidence and playfulness. Since many women are fearful of giving men the wrong impression they frequently guard their smiles.
While that approach is safer, it inadvertently sends the wrong message that she is someone who is overly cautious because they have been hurt.
In addition, smiling is a sign of acceptance. Men often need some signal that it is safe to approach a woman before they’re willing to a risk introducing themselves (unless they are intoxicated).
A Woman who Listens (and doesn’t dominate the conversation)
Men rarely get listened to, at least not beyond a few minutes. Most of the time a few minutes is all men really need. But since most men hate to be rejected, it is easier for them to keep conversations superficial. They expect most women to want to talk, rather than be willing to listen.
If they happen to meet a woman who listens with her eyes (looks at him while he’s talking) as well as her ears, they are intrigued. Then, if she continues to listen and not take over the conversation, that’s the kind of woman that men can’t resist and will eventually marry
A Woman who dresses Feminine (Men are REALLY visual)
Everyone knows that men are visual. However, women often forget just how helpless guys are to what they see. The right visual stimulation can hypnotize a man. Women hear this and often become fearful. They mistakenly believe that men only notice perfect women.
Forget perfect! If you really want to be noticed by men, think colors, dresses and curves. Men basically like any woman who has that soft and cuddly quality. It isn’t that men don’t find women attractive in pants or when they are dressed comfortably. They don’t notice them as easily. It doesn’t catch their eye like earrings or long hair does.
Conversely, a powerfully dressed woman (think lots of red) makes most men think of sex, or not notice her at all. She may have a soft side, but if men can’t see it, they often don’t know it exists. The more feminine (softer) a woman dresses, the more men she will attract.
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The Argument Women Can't Win
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By Bob Grant, L.P.C.
When it comes to fighting and disagreeing with men, women frequently make a critical mistake which ends up causing them to feel hurt and lonely. When I see a female client for Relationship Advice I frequently encounter this scenario. During a routine conversation there is a disagreement between the woman and her husband/boyfriend.
It starts out in a logical manner with two competent speaking adults simply talking about a problem or disagreement. Then at some point in the discussion that woman gets her feelings hurt and responds in an emotional manner. All of a sudden the entire dynamic of the conversation has changed and the man feels he has been betrayed.
While the discussion was logical and factual, it had the similar feel of a business meeting where everyone has the sole goal of finding the answer to the problem. No one would dare interject their feelings into such a discussion for fear they would be viewed has weak and childish. In the business world, accomplishing the task is the primary goal, not making everyone feel good.
This is how a man views a discussion that is logical and factual. He believes that if her idea is so good then she should be able to prove it. "She wants to prove her point so I'll prove mine. May the best man win," is how he thinks and has no idea that she only wants to be heard/understood.
When women interject their feelings into a discussion that has become competitive, it makes men feel as though they are being blamed for being logical which causes them to react in anger. Men say to themselves, "She ask me to prove my point and when I do she gets her feelings hurt!" He has been blind sided by the one thing that makes him feel powerless, a woman in pain.
The man feels tricked by acting strong only to pull the feelings card out when she was starting to loose the argument so now he feels entitled to punish her. That really is how most men think in that scenario.
If you are a woman, a practical rule when discussing a topic is that if you want to debate, prove or compete with your boyfriend/husband then stay in that role throughout the discussion. If you want to be understood or nurtured, then relate to him by sharing how you feel about the subject.
Don't switch to becoming a soft, feeling and vulnerable woman after you have presented yourself logically. All that will do is encourage him not to discuss things with you in the future. He'll be afraid of you dropping the feelings bomb.
Most of the time I would suggest that you start off softly by speaking to him about how you feel concerning the issue so he can recognize your feelings which will signal to him that you are not trying to be competitive.
On the occasions you do need to prove your point, hold your ground regardless of how you feel. Remember it doesn't matter as much which way you relate to him, the most important thing you can do is not to combine the two.
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